“Manliness needs to be Redefined”

Happy Sankranthi to you all! Sankranthi is the beginning of a new cycle – in earth`s rotation around the sun and in terms of harvesting food grains. It should also mean new knowledge, new ways of understanding and new beginnings.

 The recent alarming incidents of molestation and stalking of girls/women (almost four in one week) have not only caught the Nation’s attention but also have become a cause of concern and serious discussion in various forums, especially the print and electronic media. This is not the way any New Year should begin.

As a senior civil servant, a conscious citizen of India and not least - a woman, whenever such incidents are reported, it rattles me and raises various questions in my mind as to how men can be so brutal, callous and insensitive. These kinds of incidents are happening all over the country, some being reported and most going unreported. The moment media attention is caught, hurried efforts are made by the Government to book the culprits and take the case to a logical end.  But then the matter dies down in a couple of days until another such incident makes the headlines. And the vicious cycle repeats itself all over again.

The present need of the hour is to analyze the reasons for such behavior and diagnose deep rooted male attitudes and psychology, and cure the condition rather than adopting a crisis management approach.

The traditional mindset that girls should be shy and submissive and boys should be rough, brash and aggressive needs to go. While society is modernizing, still the desire for a male child has not diminished. Not only sweets are distributed and celebrated when a boy is born but there is an indirect special preference shown towards a boy even in most educated households. A daughter’s place is still considered best in the kitchen and yet, if the boy even enters the kitchen, he is shunted out saying it’s not the right place for him. In fact men are not even taught to pick-up their plates by their own mothers. When a boy bullies someone at home or beats his sister, it is brushed aside saying ‘boys will be boys’ and hence can afford to be aggressive.  Lack of proper direction or guidance at childhood is the root cause of uncultured behavior later on in life, and which gets ingrained as a child and goes uncorrected.

The small stereo typed mindsets which a boy innocently develops due to lack of parental direction needs to be now focused. The parents have to “consciously” spend quality time to teach the boy child and not the girl to speak softly, to respect his sister, mother and girl cousins, to escort them safely out and to acknowledge and recognize these acts of good behavior  as “Manly” and condemn strongly any unruly or boisterous behavior as “ Unmanly”. Society, as well as extended family, also plays a major role in correcting abnormal behavior and putting a stop to it.

The so called definition of “Manly” behavior should be reframed and redefined as “being kind, soft, concerned gentle, helpful caring & loving” and should be carried forward in schools, colleges, text books and stories, highlighting that acts of kindness, concern and care are not dubbed as “girly” but “Manly” and the much needed qualities of a “role model” of boy or man and “Mardangi” (Manliness) should be prominently highlighted in print and electronic media. Positive role models should be recognized and rewarded. Promoting success stories of boys and men who help, rescue, support girls/women should be a priority and such actions should be recognized, rewarded.

Right from Nursery children should be taught to respect each other. During our school days we had a moral science period which is no longer there. All schools and colleges should have compulsory classes in English and Regional Languages to inspire boys and girls to be bold and brave for the right reasons.

Classes in self defense should be also made compulsory in schools and colleges. Protection of girls/women needs a holistic and multi pronged approach by all corners of society.

While the role of Government is important in taking preventive action and stringent measures to curb atrocities against women, I strongly feel the role of society to work towards change of mindset of boys in a family is equally significant.

According to me, it is high time now to have a massive campaign approach, as was done years ago for family planning or anti-smoking, to change the mindset of boys ever since they are born and this exercise should first begin from home.

Family planning was once thought impossible and yet effective campaigns in the early 1980s, slowly but steadily resulted in reduction of family sizes across India. Similarly, the anti-smoking campaign has had equal success. The Swachh Bharat and Digital India campaigns are making their own inroads. A campaign beginning from the national level to grass roots to redefine what is manliness, will go a long way in creating a congenial civilized society in tune with changing times, treating women gently and with respect, creating a harmonious environment where women can move around freely without fear and their needs and concerns are tackled on par with other developed countries.

Therefore, now it is the responsibility of every citizen to mold their children and themselves to begin new Indian traditions of mutual respect and tolerance. One has to stand up for good values and morals and strive towards building up a decent and better society, a place to live with good health happiness, cheer and prosperity. Our attitudes define our lives and that needs to be systematically developed by parents, schools, colleges and peer groups.

We cannot allow half of the country’s population to live life in fear. Our focus should be on creating strong personalities and character building should be the foundation of our culture, to give us new role models to emulate.

It is not difficult to create new Indian traditions right from today, in which all members of society feel safe and able to fulfill their dreams and ambitions.

This article is also written with a hope of a new beginning & a safe & better life for half our population. Do read & introspect & if each one of you make a beginning from your home & work place I am sure we can create a new India. Pl read & act. Thanks