“Manliness
needs to be Redefined”
Happy Sankranthi to
you all! Sankranthi is the beginning of a new cycle – in earth`s rotation
around the sun and in terms of harvesting food grains. It should also mean new knowledge,
new ways of understanding and new beginnings.
The recent alarming incidents of molestation
and stalking of girls/women (almost four in one week) have not only caught the
Nation’s attention but also have become a cause of concern and serious
discussion in various forums, especially the print and electronic media. This
is not the way any New Year should begin.
As a senior civil
servant, a conscious citizen of India and not least - a woman, whenever such incidents
are reported, it rattles me and raises various questions in my mind as to how
men can be so brutal, callous and insensitive. These kinds of incidents are
happening all over the country, some being reported and most going unreported. The
moment media attention is caught, hurried efforts are made by the Government to
book the culprits and take the case to a logical end. But then the matter dies down in a couple of days
until another such incident makes the headlines. And the vicious cycle repeats
itself all over again.
The present need of
the hour is to analyze the reasons for such behavior and diagnose deep rooted
male attitudes and psychology, and cure the condition rather than adopting a
crisis management approach.
The traditional mindset
that girls should be shy and submissive and boys should be rough, brash and
aggressive needs to go. While society is modernizing, still the desire for a
male child has not diminished. Not only sweets are distributed and celebrated
when a boy is born but there is an indirect special preference shown towards a
boy even in most educated households. A daughter’s place is still considered
best in the kitchen and yet, if the boy even enters the kitchen, he is shunted
out saying it’s not the right place for him. In fact men are not even taught to
pick-up their plates by their own mothers. When a boy bullies someone at home or
beats his sister, it is brushed aside saying ‘boys will be boys’ and hence can
afford to be aggressive. Lack of proper
direction or guidance at childhood is the root cause of uncultured behavior
later on in life, and which gets ingrained as a child and goes uncorrected.
The small stereo
typed mindsets which a boy innocently develops due to lack of parental
direction needs to be now focused. The parents have to “consciously” spend quality
time to teach the boy child and not the girl to speak softly, to respect his
sister, mother and girl cousins, to escort them safely out and to acknowledge
and recognize these acts of good behavior as “Manly” and condemn strongly any unruly or
boisterous behavior as “ Unmanly”. Society, as well as extended family, also
plays a major role in correcting abnormal behavior and putting a stop to it.
The so called
definition of “Manly” behavior should be reframed and redefined as “being kind,
soft, concerned gentle, helpful caring & loving” and should be carried
forward in schools, colleges, text books and stories, highlighting that acts of
kindness, concern and care are not dubbed as “girly” but “Manly” and the much needed
qualities of a “role model” of boy or man and “Mardangi” (Manliness) should be prominently
highlighted in print and electronic media. Positive role models should be
recognized and rewarded. Promoting success stories of boys and men who help, rescue,
support girls/women should be a priority and such actions should be recognized,
rewarded.
Right from Nursery children
should be taught to respect each other. During our school days we had a moral
science period which is no longer there. All schools and colleges should have
compulsory classes in English and Regional Languages to inspire boys and girls
to be bold and brave for the right reasons.
Classes in self
defense should be also made compulsory in schools and colleges. Protection of
girls/women needs a holistic and multi pronged approach by all corners of
society.
While the role of
Government is important in taking preventive action and stringent measures to
curb atrocities against women, I strongly feel the role of society to work
towards change of mindset of boys in a family is equally significant.
According to me, it is
high time now to have a massive campaign approach, as was done years ago for
family planning or anti-smoking, to change the mindset of boys ever since they
are born and this exercise should first begin from home.
Family planning was once thought impossible
and yet effective campaigns in the early 1980s, slowly but steadily resulted in
reduction of family sizes across India. Similarly, the anti-smoking campaign
has had equal success. The Swachh Bharat and Digital India campaigns are making
their own inroads. A campaign beginning from the national level to grass roots
to redefine what is manliness, will go a long way in creating a congenial
civilized society in tune with changing times, treating women gently and with
respect, creating a harmonious environment where women can move around freely
without fear and their needs and concerns are tackled on par with other
developed countries.
Therefore, now it is the responsibility of
every citizen to mold their children and themselves to begin new Indian
traditions of mutual respect and tolerance. One has to stand up for good values
and morals and strive towards building up a decent and better society, a place
to live with good health happiness, cheer and prosperity. Our attitudes define
our lives and that needs to be systematically developed by parents, schools,
colleges and peer groups.
We cannot allow half of the country’s
population to live life in fear. Our focus should be on creating strong
personalities and character building should be the foundation of our culture,
to give us new role models to emulate.
It is not difficult
to create new Indian traditions right from today, in which all members of
society feel safe and able to fulfill their dreams and ambitions.
This article is also written with a hope of a new beginning & a safe & better life for half our population. Do read & introspect & if each one of you make a beginning from your home & work place I am sure we can create a new India. Pl read & act. Thanks
This article is also written with a hope of a new beginning & a safe & better life for half our population. Do read & introspect & if each one of you make a beginning from your home & work place I am sure we can create a new India. Pl read & act. Thanks
